Posted by Jess
12 May 2011
It's been getting harder and harder lately for me to be here and Jason and the girls to be home. They've moved back into our home in Minnesota now which is good. It's a start to getting things back to normal. Our families have been amazing to take us in during this very strange, unexpected, and long transition back to the U.S. We've relied heavily on the generosity of our parents 7 weeks now and I am sure they are ready to have their homes back! Currently I am slated to end my time here on June 17th, which means we're over halfway there if that date sticks. I had a trip planned for this weekend to the U.S. for Jason's little sister's baby shower, and I've been able to extend my time for a few days to work in the U.S. which is great. But I know at the end of that time it will be back to Tokyo for another month or so of separation.
I think what's been the most difficult for me is that here in Tokyo in the past few weeks things have returned to pretty much normal. Some of the escalators and lights that were off before have been switched back on, stores are fully stocked, trains are just as cramped as ever, restaurants are busy, and we don't seem to notice any aftershocks below a 6.0 anymore. (I guess we've just gotten used to the others because the 4.5-5.9 ones still come 5-6 times a day.) The news is a lot less nuclear power plant focused and most days I don't think about it much.
Lately I've been feeling like the hardship of being separated isn't worth it, that there is no risk and they should just be here. And if we did that, some of the grief I've gotten about making this decision would just go away. Some of the friends that left have now returned and I've gotten calls asking for playdates with Ella and Abby. Plus Jason loves it here - it was so hard to see him go and know that he didn't get to do everything he wanted to during our time here. The things that used to just strike as different or funny before are starting to annoy me because I don't want to be here alone. I'm worried about this strange time ruining my memories of our experience and fun here. But I know in the back of mind that there's no going back now and regretting what we felt was the best decision at the time just isn't going to do any good.
Then today on my twitter feed I see this:
12 May 2011
It's been getting harder and harder lately for me to be here and Jason and the girls to be home. They've moved back into our home in Minnesota now which is good. It's a start to getting things back to normal. Our families have been amazing to take us in during this very strange, unexpected, and long transition back to the U.S. We've relied heavily on the generosity of our parents 7 weeks now and I am sure they are ready to have their homes back! Currently I am slated to end my time here on June 17th, which means we're over halfway there if that date sticks. I had a trip planned for this weekend to the U.S. for Jason's little sister's baby shower, and I've been able to extend my time for a few days to work in the U.S. which is great. But I know at the end of that time it will be back to Tokyo for another month or so of separation.
I think what's been the most difficult for me is that here in Tokyo in the past few weeks things have returned to pretty much normal. Some of the escalators and lights that were off before have been switched back on, stores are fully stocked, trains are just as cramped as ever, restaurants are busy, and we don't seem to notice any aftershocks below a 6.0 anymore. (I guess we've just gotten used to the others because the 4.5-5.9 ones still come 5-6 times a day.) The news is a lot less nuclear power plant focused and most days I don't think about it much.
Lately I've been feeling like the hardship of being separated isn't worth it, that there is no risk and they should just be here. And if we did that, some of the grief I've gotten about making this decision would just go away. Some of the friends that left have now returned and I've gotten calls asking for playdates with Ella and Abby. Plus Jason loves it here - it was so hard to see him go and know that he didn't get to do everything he wanted to during our time here. The things that used to just strike as different or funny before are starting to annoy me because I don't want to be here alone. I'm worried about this strange time ruining my memories of our experience and fun here. But I know in the back of mind that there's no going back now and regretting what we felt was the best decision at the time just isn't going to do any good.
Then today on my twitter feed I see this:
Tepco fixed water level indicators of the No.1 reactor at Fukushima plant. New data said the water level is below the whole fuel rods.
So I check the news article. Sure enough, radiated water is leaking back into the ocean. And the gauge they were relying on to tell them the water levels was broken all along. Fuel Rods completely exposed? May have partially melted? Isn't that the stuff that on March 12th everyone was so worried about happening?
In the morning on the train and in the stations, I hear the hum and feel the breeze of the air conditioning unit. It's been about 70 degrees here and while I do appreciate the air conditioning, it reminds me of the whole problem that was talked about 2 months ago, "we have enough power now, but when it gets warmer and people turn on the a/c, power outages will be necessary". The time has arrived.
At this moment I know that although it may not be top of mind, the situation is still all the same as it was on April 3rd, when we made our decision. And would I make a different call today? Maybe. But only because I want us to be together and that's weighing more heavily now that we're apart. So I need to be stronger and remember that a few months of being apart is nothing compared to the "what if".
But it doesn't make me miss my family any less.
Jess
12:50 AM |
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